Life, timelines and pressures.

Author – Thaversifier

Kindness can come in different forms, in different times and in different spaces. It is relative to certain situations and individuals. Sometimes kindness is showing concern by asking questions while other times it is being empathetic enough to know when not to ask certain questions for whatever reason.

In today’s world, especially in the African society we have come to put timelines on living. At certain times in life we expect certain things to have happened; and if for any reasons unknown to us these things do not occur we then begin to mount pressure. We expect kids to have started school at a particular age, to be in the university at a certain time, to graduate within a particular time period, to be living on our own at some point, get married, have children within a particular age bracket; and the list is endless.

We have become so accustomed to our myopic view on life, achievements and success that anything out of the norm is wrong. We worry more about these things rather than the well being of the individuals. What if there are more pressing issues or hurdles life has hurled at these individuals. What if there are other accomplishments or ordeals they have survived as opposed to your mere scripted living? I have been fortunate to have deep conversations with a couple of friends and acquaintances and these are their medals.

Henry, “I finally got a job after 10 years of graduation”. Sola, “I couldn’t go to school because my parents never had the funds’. Maureen, “I just survived a deadly surgery”. Bibi, “My third miscarriage, I am done trying”. Agnes “I was in an accident some years back, I lost my womb, who is going to marry a lady without a womb”. Okechukwu, “the last lady I dated and sponsored through school married my best friend. I am still trying to recover”. Wendy, “I grew up in an abusive home and I don’t think I am ready to start a home of my own”. Omoh, “I just got my Phd this year”. The list is endless and the deeper we delve the more we realize how flawed and impossible for 7 billion people to do everything in the same order.

If only we can see beyond our noses then our questions will revolve around, are you happy? How are you surviving? How’s your health? Do you have a job? Do you need support? How may I help you?. It is definitely one form of kindness rather than mount unnecessary pressure on peers and family. Some would say that the world has become too sensitive to everything, but I am of the opinion that the world should have become too sensitive about everything a long time ago. Probably our leaders would have been too sensitive about looting, stealing and misuse of power to meet certain expectations.

“You’re not behind in life. There’s no schedule or timetable that we all must follow. It’s all made up. Wherever you are right now is exactly where you need to be. Seven billion people can’t do everything in exactly the same scheduled order. We are all different with a variety of needs and goals. Some get married early, others get married late, and others still don’t get married at all. What is early? What is late? Compared with whom? Compared with what? Some want children, others don’t. Some want a career; others enjoy taking care of a home and children. Your life is not on anyone else’s schedule.

Emily Maroutian, “Don’t beat yourself up for where you are right now. It’s YOUR timeline, not anyone else’s, and nothing is off schedule.”